Biography

Beth Jeans Houghton was born in transylvania to a pack of albino wolves who raised her on chewing tobacco and stuffed clams. Despite they're hospitality, love conquers all and she soon eloped to scotch corner with her shiny new stalion peter Andre. Beth was his mysterious girl for as long as she could be, but sadly he yearned for bigger baps. taking the wrong end of his tanned stick she searched up and down the parisian market stalls for the biggest loaf's she could find, but alas, when she returned home with her wheaty goods, he was gone. He is currently residing somewhere in the vicinity Jordan's breasts. Beth was gutted......

Until one day, she was on a family holiday with her albino wolves in buttermere in the lakedistrict. During a dispute about the severe lack of chewing tobacco Beth left the yurt and went for a late night trot around the serene lake. not serene for long though.... She soon heard a splishing and a splashing in the darkest corner of the lake. She carefully began bare-footing along the waters edge to take a closer look at the comotion. As the sun rose golden over the nearest mountains, the waters began to swell and curdle, and three delightful heads appeared. Seeing three boys rise from the lake, Beth stared in disbelief as they emerged to show their glorious furry hind-quarters and scintillating hooves. 'jesus on a bike' she cried as the half men, half goats trotted gleefully towards her. 'WE ARE YOUR DESTINY!' they cried and Beth and the three forns embraced in a glorious two footed, six hooved love-in and vowed to make beastiality cool again and to create beautiful music until their hooves fell off. And so began the beautiful relationship between Beth Jeans Houghton & The Hooves Of Destiny....

BETH JEANS HOUGHTON & THE HOOVES OF DESTINY

Although I have had a band playing with me for a while now, it is only now made complete with our fourth member, therefore symetry on stage can proveil and I can finally give my boys a name......(see above).

So, here they are. These are crucial facts about said boys and if one is planning to date them, one should really take note of these things. But you can't date Rory, he has a Lynn and a kid.

Dav 'Lego' Sheil plays a suitcase and a childs keyboard. He likes Helen Mirren, but not in a motherly way. His cat guinivere got electricuted and died, but came back to life and had sex with human face. Now she’s preggers but because of the electricution, she shrunk and is maybe too small to have said kittens.

Rory 'Grove' Gibson plays lefty bass. He was a child star in Byker Grove and got to kiss Donna Air. Unlike most men who speak and don’t think much, Rory doesn’t speak and thinks alot. He also tapes re-runs of Gilmore Girls and watches them on his mobile.

Findlay 'Vivienne' Euan Nimmo Macaskill plays fiddle. Viv is a plastic surgeon who used to play proffesional tennis and beat Andy Murray when he was eleven. He smokes Camel and poo’s three times a day.

Blazey 'Edward' Blazey blows on his trumpet. He has eyes not unlike those of a camel and make soft porn videos with children's toys.